Entangled in dreams

The measurement of women

2009-11-25T08:02:00.001-08:00

A woman is often measured by the things she cannot control. She is measured by the way her body curves or does not curve, by where she is flat or straight or round. She is measured by inches and ages and numbers, by all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is on the inside. She has been stigmatised, compartmentalised and even terrorised. A man is often held up to standards of heroism, bravery, courage, intellect, monetary prowess, ambition and other such `masculine' features.

The term `gender' has, over the decades, acquired the status of a vast and ever-expanding subject. What does `gender' actually mean? In today's context, the dictionary no longer provides a precise and applicable definition of this much-contested concept. It is one of the most restless terms in the English language, a word that is often used, yet whose uses are forever changing. Every now and then we come face to face with yet another connotation that has been piled on to this already overloaded term. `Gender roles', `gender gap' and `gender-specific' are all indispensable add-ons to the original concept.

`Gender' in its original form refers to the grammatical practice of classifying nouns as masculine, feminine or neuter. However, even these classifications involve certain complexities as gender identity starts with the knowledge and awareness, whether conscious or unconscious, that one belongs to one sex and not the other. The `gender role' which an individual adopts — `manly' or `womanly' — according to the standards of his culture, is oddly enough almost wholly learned, and little if at all built in.

This leads us to the conclusion that the `gender roles', or so-called mutually exclusive traits assigned to each gender, are wholly culturally derived. There are basic differences between men and women; this is a widely accepted fact. But they are not as different as day and night, earth and sky, yin and yang, life and death. They are not binary opposites. This culturally determined sex is far from being an expression of natural differences. Rather, `gender identity' has come to represent the suppression of natural similarities.

Linguistically, `the masculine' is not the masculine, but `the general'. The usage of words like `mankind' and `he' to refer to men and women alike perpetuates an abstract, universalising idiom that is denied to women, making men its sole beneficiaries. Over years and years of continuous oppression, women slowly started building a voice — a voice that would be heard, a voice that would make other human beings listen. This desire to overcome years of silence broke through in what we call the movement of `feminism.' Feminism in its simplest form is a struggle to break past the chains that have held women back from living their lives to the fullest. It is a need to establish equality between men and women, a longing for women to walk beside men, not behind them. It does not refer to the usurping of men by women, but rather, implies the progression towards striking a balance. The goal therefore is to accept our differences and view them as unique rather than using it as a basis for division.

Society has heaped various notions of `femininity' upon women and has forced them to live within the parameters defined by them. This led to the generation of rigid stereotypes that ruled the psyche of both the sexes. Baby girls were dressed in pink and given dolls to play with; baby boys were dressed in blue and given toy cars and soldiers. Young girls were hugged and cuddled, while young boys were thumped on their backs and told not to cry. The `learned' behaviour propagated by generation after generation has served only as a tool that widens the gap between the two sexes. Why is it necessary to define one sex by comparing and contrasting it with another? The binaries that designate gender are convenient but mistaken social fictions. Does the `essential nature' of men and women exist only in black or white? Where do we draw the line? The answer lies in the simple understanding that no such `essential nature' exists.

The Beast and the beauty

2009-05-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

In the beginning, God made man. And he was blessed with bulk and ambition... and for a while, it was good. Then God got an idea for an upgrade and so He made woman. A being,that had lesser bulk but high resilience to pain and the mental strength to surpass anything in her path... and for a while, it was good. But women were too strong. And had the potential to dominate all... and so God created complexes... so that only the women who are ready to master their true skill may find the will to do so. But few have.

Now even though that story was made up, the message it carries is loud and clear. Women are mentally stronger than anything on this planet when they put their minds to it. And the few who have done so have become the greatest personalities the world has ever seen. They’ve become the best in the fields of science, fashion, marketing and media and still have the ability to come back home and take care of the family. So why can’t all women be that way? Why is it that a lot of women these days leave the hard work of multitasking... something only a few men can ever dream of accomplishing, and concentrate only on their careers or their homes? One of the reasons is men. Some of them today will tell and treat women as if their only purpose in life is to be second best. And that brings me to my second reason... a huge complex. Believe it or not, all women have complexes... either they don’t believe they’re pretty enough, or they’re not thin enough, or they’re not young enough, or they won’t fight for what they deserve because they think they’re not capable enough... and all I ask is... why?

A woman, is a tigress, a fire that’s burning inside. The only problem is she will not let that fire out simply because she is afraid of destroying herself with it. But what you ladies fail to consider is the fact that once you start to believe in yourself and stop believing what the world tells you... you will learn how to control that fire, and bend it to your will. Everyone faces defeat but only the strong will realise that defeat is a way of learning not to make the same mistake again.

All you have to do is concentrate on what you love and improvise on it with that feminine touch. And once you’ve found something strong enough, you let that fire out so that no one can dominate and steal it away from you. So go ahead, face your demons, look them straight in the eye and unleash the beast within you. Because you are a woman and the world is yours. That’s why they even call this planet, “Mother Earth”:)

A.R. Rahman and the Oscar fever!!!

2009-02-23T06:22:00.001-08:00

Gorgeous red carpets, flashing cameras, an

ecstatic downpour of international stardust – the Oscars have finally arrived!!! The envelopes have been sealed, the red carpet has been rolled out and the Oscars have just begun. Every one, right from the funky cameramen behind us to the porcelain-blondes parading the red carpet, are keeping their fingers crossed for the Academy to unveil its favourites for this year.

While the international glitterati are up for another round of nail-biting Oscar night, back home, India is

looking forward to a fabulous, first-ever Indian Oscar night. Thanks to A.R. Rahman and Slumdog Millionaire, the Oscar fever has really struck root in Indian hearts. All eyes in

India are eagerly waiting to watch dear Rahman clutch the most-coveted trophy on the planet.

A.R. Rahman has three nominations for the Oscars, all for the internationally-favourite flick, Slumdog Millionaire. He has one nomination in the 'Best Original Score' category and two nominations in the 'Best Original Song' category for the compositions 'Jai Ho' and 'O...Saya'.

This was how India was, before THE EVENT happened atlast. I was listening to the local radio stations the whole morning to catch up with the OSCAR fever. AR ofcourse is ma favourite Music Director. Since i had office today, i wasnt able to catch all the fun packed,tic-tic moments of action, live on television. All the RJ's were enthusiastic and awaiting the time for the 'D' thing to happen.

And then @ 9.15 or so...RJ Ajay(of radio mirchi) screamed at the top of his voice..

" SAAMIYO INDIA KU OSCAR VANDHAAACCCHHHUUUU

RAHMAN KU OSCAR KIDAICHAACHUU....

YYYYYEEEEIIIIII "

I was so overwhelmed at this news like every other Indian and had a lovely feeling of patriotism overtake me. I could feel the proudness of seeing an Indian win the Oscar. Its not a statement which we say when v have our republic day or Independance day or,see an army or navy parade happen. Its out of our hearts...out of the love for our country...for the luv we have for our very own musical genius, AR Rahman!!!

I was yapping about this achievement the whole day to ma colleagues and even offered a treat to ma team mates..But, as I was travelling on the bus, back home this evening, a serious feeling struck me...

IF RAHMAN COULD DO IT, SO COULD EVERY OTHER INDIAN...

EVERYONE HAS TO PERSUADE TO WORK HARD, TO MAKE INDIA AND INDIANS PROUD...

IT DOES NOT DEPEND ON THE NATURE OF JOB ONE DOES TO FULFILL THIS DREAM...

IT's IN PREPARING INDIA FOR A BIGGER AND BRIGHTER FUTURE AND MAKE THE COUNTRY PROUD

JAI HO!!!! JAI HO!!!! PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN.......

Bringing back romance

2009-02-21T06:09:00.000-08:00

The world's apparently filled with romantics nowadays and here I was thinking that we're a dying breed. And for all you people who don't fully know what a romantic is, then here's a crash course on how to know if you're in a relationship with one, if one's actually interested in you and how to turn into one, if cuddles and smiles are what you crave most of the time.

Love is probably the most misunderstood emotion on the planet. People often don't realise when they're in love, and mostly confuse a two-month great relationship that's full of the initial lust and splendour for love, eventual marriage, children and everything else that follows. So, first things first. Forget about love, even if it's just for the time being. Look for the romance, because in the end that's the single most prominent thing that makes being in a relationship extra great.

Now this is how to know if the person that you're dating is a die hard romantic. And if he/she is, then hold on to him/her for dear life because such people have the power to turn your most horrible day into a bed of roses.

For the ladies

Here's what you should expect from romance and that perfect romantic. When your man kisses your forehead and tells you that you're greater than anything the universe could ever produce, when he follows you to wherever you are just so that he could spend 1 or 2 hours with you, because he missed you that much. And best of all when he lights up a house full of candles, cooks you a meal and sings you a song even though his voice makes donkeys cry just because you had a BAD DAY. Ladies, this is a romantic and what you need.

For the men

Well, I'm really sorry lads, but it's really rare that most ladies would do something very much out of the way, but there are a few and this is how you'll know it's them. When every fantasy that you have is eventually played out for you when you least expect it. When you hint that you need a wallet and it's lying near your pillow two days later with a note attached. And finally and this is the rarest when a car arrives to pick you up, just as you receive a coded message saying, "to know more get in", and you're taken to a private beach where your lady is waiting for you so that you could watch the sun set together. That, my male macho man is what we need.Now as though it isn't already obvious what you need to do to turn yourself into a romantic, then here's something to start with before you try out all the above. Secret notes to the ones you admire, from time to time reminding them in poetry (maybe), that you care.

Finally in conclusion, we don't know if the one we're with is the one we'll have forever, but add romance and I guarantee, that whatever you do will be well worth your effort. Just ask me, they're all my ideas, and it's what I live for;)

Choosing a gift for someone special

2009-02-13T05:45:00.000-08:00

This write-up is especially for the men(Ahem Ahem!!!)....not for those who already know how to talk to the women they like, those who aren't afraid but who are just confused, and those men who still believe that a romantic date is spending daddy's money. It's for the men who want to see their lady pleased at the end of the day while spending daddy's money. Or maybe even some of his own. Hey! Everyone's independent nowadays.

Know your lady

So, where do you go and what do you do? Well, my love struck Romeos, I'll tell you. But before you know where to go and what to do, you'll have to know what kind of lady you have wrapped around your arm. Most of you really-into-romance-types are saying, "Humph! I know exactly how my partner is. Thank you very much!" Good, because this one wasn't for you anyway. But for the rest of you, who are murdering your minds now as to what is the perfect gift, listen.

There are three kinds of women and I know that's strange because their moods take the forms of every known goddess in the universe. But even though they'll transform in a heartbeat, the core of every woman is (and I swear that this is true) one of three kinds. And I don't care what anyone says, "there's a romantic in every woman, all you need to know is which button to push to bring her out."

Type one: this is the easiest kind. The type that can't live without red roses and all the mush that makes romance movies so famous. For this kind of lady, go material. There are Austrian crystals around. They're sold in all the major shopping centres. And they're perfect. Trust me. Club that with a room full of lit candles, roses and a self made lunch or dinner and you, my man, are the new Don Juan:)

Type two: this is for the lady who's really intellectual. The type that is into books and reading, more than the flowers and the candy. A lady who enjoys quiet time and something more personal that would make romance novel readers go hmmmmmm. For her, you need to plan. Spend a day in a bookstore (and by now a lot of guys are going... "Oh no!"), but, hear me out. Find a love sonnet or a book of poems. Now not too complex, but something that just about hits the spot. Then go to a secluded spot on the beach at sunset and read in an emotion-filled voice(ha ha:) tat one's a syre toughy)

And finally type three: these are the reality bitten ladies who believe that romance is more of expression without the stupid things that complicate and embarrass both of you. It should be private, personal, very personal and a bit in your face. So here's what you do. Make a collage of pictures of you and her from the time you were babies and link it to how the two of you are today. Don't have pictures? Fine! Then write a section on what you think of her and what you share. And go to a scenic coffee shop where there aren't many people. Then just take her out. Wherever she wants to go, hold her hand and never let go till the end of the day. Then tell her that you love her.

So, off you go and stay in love....Happy Valentine's day folks!!!!

When Cupid comes calling

2009-02-12T05:23:00.001-08:00

It's 2009, and love is super celebrated. And like everything else, it has turned into a lucrative business. Gone are the days when love, or at least the use of the word, was treated with utmost respect, understanding and seriousness, which, I believe, is so needed for its survival. Now-a-days `love' is a word used after meeting someone after the second date, (depending on how well that date goes of course... otherwise it's the third). Sometimes `love' is used without even knowing how the person actually looks; just a mere message or e-mail would suffice. What's wrong with us? Where has all the trust and loyalty that comes with saying the words "I love you" gone? Have we turned that hard in the world of television, movies and fake happy endings that reality has forever become `that' distorted?

If it's love you really want, then all I have to say is concentrate on the person who will be your future self rather than search for that perfect person now, but if searching is really what you want to do, then these are the qualities you need to look for...

For the women, it's almost always about the inner man. Look for someone who can make you laugh, but has the maturity to carry off all your moods and not run away screaming for his mommy. And even though most women say childishness is common among most men, as far as this goes, you're probably right. But remember that quality is highly regarded, to a certain extent.

And for the men, choosing the perfect woman usually is something that they are the worst at. So here's what you do... pick someone who isn't afraid to be that inner child, and who's also not afraid to let the world know that you and she are together. Someone who knows when to be a woman and when to pamper the living daylights out of you:)

So, hopefully you'll find that perfect person and cupid will be right there beside you. But just remember there's always a future, and like it or not, it's coming...because it's always better to know when to love rather than love every five minutes.

Friendship first and then...

2008-11-07T04:31:00.000-08:00

Throughout history and in every romance story, there has always been one common factor that has carried on over and over again either in fantasy or in reality — a man who risks everything he has and goes against all odds for the woman he loves. Now this usually leads to the man dying and the woman crying and everyone eventually just moving on. But that's in the fantasy world. For, in the real world, if a man desires a woman more than anything else, it's a rare possibility that the two of them end up together. For men, are always over-ambitious. They always want what they can't have and the worst thing is they'll try to get it so much that sometimes it changes the very person they are. So, if you're in love with someone whom you know you can't have and don't know what to do to get that person, then fear not. Here's what you should do to make your fantasy a reality.

First, make sure the person you want is someone you can get and not someone who is completely inaccessible. For instance, if the one you want is either married, engaged, seriously committed or someone of the same sex (hey, it's possible... after all it is 2008 man), then, you should be the bigger one; pack up and go home. But if she/he is single and you know there are absolutely no attachments, emotionally or otherwise, then here are your options.

If there's someone in your area you know or someone in your class you perhaps like, but that person ignores you or talks to you but keeps the conversation general, then here's what you can do.

First, find out if she/he just likes you as a friend or if there is room for improvement. If you really like this person, then you need to take things slowly. Start off with a coffee date that only has casual conversation, where each of you goes there separately and leaves the same way. Then slowly move the pace to a movie show but make sure it's before the sun sets; because, if you want this to work, there is nothing that should happen at night. For, once you know each other and are really comfortable, then dating is only inevitable.

And finally to those who work with the one they like in the same office and speak, flirt and try everything that would get them noticed, but sadly, it doesn't work. Well, my friends, it could be because of two things. One, there could be someone else, and two, it is the traditional sex defence. "I don't date someone I work with." This is simply because she/he is confused and doesn't want to take any undue risks. This means you have to first be a friend, then a really good one and finally, maybe something more. So, to you, all I have to say is ask yourself one question — "Is she/he really worth it?"

Raise a toast to mom

2008-10-31T05:26:00.000-07:00

I’ve been writing about relationships now for quite some time and most of them have been based on experiences that I’ve had in the past.

But there will always be this one relationship that we share with one who is probably our greatest teacher, protector and strength, and even though we say that we love her there have been times that we’ve taken her for granted.

So now is the time to give back - for the love, the hope, and the dedication that only a mother can give.

So here goes - to our mothers, the greatest thing that has happened to us since… well there really isn’t much that we can compare her to, is there?

Remember those growing up years? Your mother would wake up early, fix your breakfast, pack your lunch, and make your bath water hot and then wake you up.

Remember coming home with problems that seemed like a mountain to you and getting advice, love and pampering.

And most importantly do you remember that voice and face telling you no matter who you were, that you were the best thing in the world.

Mothers have always made sure that we were protected from any harm, whether we liked it or not and even though we were embarrassed by the mush sometimes. Its payback time now.

For those who are earning, the greatest thing you could give a mother is a little more time. Spend one day with her, take her out or stay at home and just talk with her for the whole day. Whatever you decide to do just make sure that you let her know that you love her and she will always be special to you.

If you still live at home with your parents you could take a day off and just spend some quality time.

And for those of you who do not earn ..make something for your mother, be it a poem, a card, a letter, anything that shows how grateful you are.

What I’m trying to say in the end is that even though your mother will still love you more each day… you really don’t have to wait for someone to dedicate that one day in the year when you tell her how special she is.

Do that now.

So who’s right?

2008-09-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

It was a wonderful Sunday evening... the sun was glowing warm and yellow and preparing to bid this side of the world goodbye. The kind of evening where you felt nothing could ever go wrong... until I saw them.

Even though they were strangers to me, I couldn’t help but observe them with a grin on my face. They were fighting... the girl was talking in a low voice so as not to let passers-by hear what she was angry about and the guy was explaining himself passionately; innocence mixed with a lot of confusion because he probably did not understand what the big deal was all about. And as I left them, to their lovers quarrel I knew what I was going to write about next.

Why is it that we always battle for being right in a relationship? We always say that it’s a joint decision.... why then do we decide that one person’s logic is better than two in a relationship? Ask anyone in a relationship what they think about any topic and you’ll probably get two versions of the same answer and it’ll mostly be in this fashion.

First the man will answer and give us all the answers he thinks is right with references to history, civics and the democracy and then the woman will answer using every good point the man said, then elaborating on them with references to God, the modern world and finally from the point of view of feminism. Then she adds on and fine tunes the bad points the man made, then shows the man those bad points, then argues about the fact that they are bad points, and will always say, “I don’t know... but I believe only in my explanation.”

Then she will move on to showing everyone why she is the only one that is right, then fight with the man for the flaws in his character, and so on.

Now even though I have deviated from the topic at hand... the question of whether we can both think as one is impossible and let’s just leave it at that... we both have very different opinions and in this day and age difference is good. But that brings me to my statement... and this is for all you men out there..., “Women Are Always Right!”

Now, before you leave this blog, let me at least tell you why. You see, women like to think that they’re running the show, they like to feel that men are puppets and that they are at the controls, and in many ways they actually are. Men cannot live without women...atleast most of them can’t. So as long as it keeps the ladies happy and in turn men as well, why not?

So before I go remember two things... men are prisoners of their own needs... and for that they need to blame the testosterone... and the other is that, “Women Are Always Right!”

The colour of desire?

2008-09-15T22:57:00.000-07:00

Around you are many fair complexioned men
Why do you eye the dark complexioned me?

(Lyrics from the Rajnikanth starrer "Muthu")

If you thought this is a special lyric penned only for Rajnikanth, try this song from the fair and lovely heroine Malavika

The first man born was black
And so are Gods and their statues
My love
Black is the colour I love

(Lyrics from "Vetri Kodi Katu")

These songs and sentiments are exceptional to Tamil films and understandably so. But what remains as the rule is just the opposite. Black is bad while `white' is desirable.

The dusky Bipasha Basu is always the lustful woman in cinema, while the role of the adorable bahu is reserved for the fair complexioned Aishwarya Rai. Nandita Das could be a great actor, but even if she wishes, she cannot become the romancing heroine. Desire and fantasy have a colour in India. The fairer the skin the better it gets. In the many commercials, businessmen in black suits are always fair. Men these days are shown to steal women's facial cream to get good complexion. Without any discomfort, advertisements show dark skinned women cringe and hide at home. In the real world, bridegrooms seek fair brides in the matrimonial columns. Anxious parents ask doctors online what to do with their daughters who are losing their complexion. Pregnant women are advised to take saffron and pomegranate so as to have fair babies. Prosperous babies and pink always go together. While dark babies are reserved for fund raising cards.

Where do such choices come from? Who decides what is beauty and what is not? It is easy to trace them to visual images. But words are not innocent either. The English language is replete with phrases such as dark clouds, black money and dark times. Not to mention, black market and black Sunday. Words give us thoughts and ideas. We think through them and with them. These words would tell the Indian and African children that black is bad.

According to traditional Sanskrit texts on `samudrika lakshanam', men who are fair and of good complexion will enjoy lordship. It would caution men against having intercourse with dark complexioned women. Against this background, Tamil literature articulates a different sentiment. Dark clouds never meant danger to the Tamil poets. It was a time for the peacocks to dance. It indicated the bounty in store. The Alwars and the Vaishnava saints have sung many poems about the intoxicating beauty of the dark skinned Gods. Bharatiyar saw divinity in black.

In Tamil, the opposite of black is red and not white. Tamil films have an inconsistent position on this. "Nanum Oru Pen" is one of the early films that depicts the travails of a dark complexioned woman. "Theiva Magan" was the story of an abandoned child who looked dark.

However, the predominant sentiment in Tamil films till the advent of the anti-hero phase in the 1970s was not in favour of dark complexion. The emergence of Rajnikanth coincided with the popularity of this phase. Rajnikanth was introduced as a villain and took a while to become a superstar. He consciously played the dark skinned Samaritan. What was a disadvantage elsewhere proved helpful here. Vijaykanth, Parthiban and Murali followed suit.

When it comes to women, Tamil films are no different. Women can be slim or plump but they have to be strictly fair. Dark men and women elsewhere have similar difficulties. African American men and women were typecast in movies and advertisements. In the U.S., they continue to endorse sports goods and things to do with raw power. White models mostly endorsed premium and lifestyle products. Cleopatra, the icon of female beauty, has an African ancestry, but many prefer to remember her as Elizabeth Taylor. Images we know are powerful. Indian commercials and films insensitively cast them without any reflection on what values they portray.

Human dignity has no colour and it is more important than selling facial creams.

Cheater... cheater

2008-09-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a prince and a princess.
And they were in love.
And nothing in the world would ever come between them, for that was the promise they had made to each other.
And for a while nothing did.
Then as time went by, the prince and princess got to know each other well and space started to become a problem.
So away they went for a short while
On a journey to chill.

And before you knew it, there was another in the picture. So my princes and princesses of the... err, fair city of Chennai, I'm going to tell you about cheating, not how to cheat but what to do when the one that you love has cheated on you. So prepare to cast spells on the undeserving, for after this, it's pay back time.

First of all and before anything else is written, there's one thing that has to be said. No relationship can ever last, if there is no trust or space. A lot of people let the thoughts of their loved one just talking to a friend run wild and eventually the fear of being cheated would lead to the end of what could've been a great relationship. So be mature and don't transform into that evil monster that is jealousy.

But, on the other side of love, there are boundaries that have to be laid out if you are in a relationship that has stood a while in society. Remember that talking to a friend of the opposite sex is fine, but flirting with them is a completely different story. And if that happens for a period of time, then bring out the weapons.

But what if you discover that the one you love has already cheated on you? What if he or she comes to you and says they've been unfaithful, and that they're sorry? Well, if that's the case and you're too in love to let go, then my princes and princesses, all you have to do is go somewhere quiet, sit down and do a little something that my father taught me. He said that if you ever don't know what to do in love and need to know if the relationship that you're in is a good one, then hold both your hands out and count. Count the good memories and then the bad... and if the good exceeds the bad, then it's worth another shot. But if all you have is bad, then go somewhere else for love my friends.

As for the other part of the cheating factor, if you ever catch the one that you love cheating on you, there's only one thing to do and that's illegal. So go with the sane method and kick them out of your life forever:)

What is love?

2008-09-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

Love is supposed to be the most perfect feeling in the universe. In fact, many movies have been made about how love conquers all; why, it’s even been made the reason for the Earth to be saved from alien invasion :)
But while pondering over the happy memories that love brings, I tried to solve,what at that time seemed like a simple query — what in the world is love?

And that’s when it hit me that I haven’t a clue about what love actually means. I could tell you what it feels like, or what we do when we’re in love;) But what does it mean?

So, I set out to find the true meaning of the word that makes every man’s head spin. I would observe the most in-love couples whom I know and see in their eyes what love actually means.

First, I found out that love means understanding. You see, we’re human. And since we’re an evolved species, with too much time, and not enough things to do with our ego, we fight. Always and anywhere, we disagree. It’s in our nature to do so. And the few who have observed and adjusted to the ego-pampering of their partners, have indeed found love.

But there usually is a downside. This kind of observation generally takes years and we don’t have the time to stay on with someone, studying them for so long. We’d rather become reporters in Iraq than stay here and pamper someone else’s ego. But there are a few who have the time and love flows through their veins. So understanding is the meaning of love. Or so I thought.

Now being mature is all well and good. But love isn’t anything without physical intimacy. And by that I mean cuddling. In fact, the entire love game is all about romance and wooing, isn’t it?:) Happy couples are the ones who whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears and hold hands while crossing the street. And since this is something everyone does, I figure love means being romantic all the time.

Wrong again! There are other elements to love and if someone is romantic all the time, then there’s nothing special left to celebrate.

So, what is the meaning of love?

Giving up was my last option. Let’s face it, there is no specific meaning to love. It means romance, understanding, caring and maturity — four meanings for one word.

And then it hit me. WE are the meaning of love. The more we understand, the better love gets; the more we cuddle and be romantic the better love gets; and even though it gets corny. We are the reason why the word even exists. We are love. So learn all you can because love is your middle name....

Just friends?

2008-08-31T07:57:00.000-07:00

Now, no one knows if a relationship is going to last. And no one is certain if love is really love in a relationship, or real enough to sustain both people for however long it takes. And in this generation, I'm sure everyone in a relationship realizes from the beginning that even though it may seem perfect, there's always a chance that it may not work.

In all honesty, I think people now have come to terms with the fact that life is more than sitting down and crying over someone who doesn't think that you meet their requirements to be their partner for a long period of time.

And that's OK, I guess, for the simple reason that there are just too many priorities in life in this day and age.

But what do you say when that serious relationship that was your whole life or at least a large part of it ends? And all that remains is the woman you loved so dearly asking you in all seriousness if you just want to be friends? What do you say to something like that?

Also note that women are the ones who will ask you to be friends more than men. So, I'm sorry ladies, but this one is for all those guys who have heard that devastating sentence after a long relationship, "I'm sorry it's not working out. But maybe we could still be friends?"

If you end a long running relationship, there really isn't enough space for "just friends." I know women are going on right now about how immature and stupid that notion is and can't really understand why we act that way; after all, they've moved on, so why can't we? Well ladies,men don't want to just be friends for the simple fact that they have loved you for a year or more.Their hearts are exploding and the mind is trying to make sense of what just happened, of where to go from here and what to do. And then you ask them to just be friends.

No man who ever truly loved you will ever be able to get over the shock when you introduce him to your new boyfriend later on. And so if you call that immaturity, then I'm sure you're right... as usual.

However, there are some men who handle these things really well and some ex-relationships that do blossom into a long lasting friendship.

But that, my friend, is like finding true love; the chances of that happening are one in a million. But I guess if life is choice, then this is life.

A date to remember

2008-08-24T23:10:00.000-07:00

In today's world, who we are seems to be judged mostly by what we have.

What we wear, how we wear it and what surrounds us have become a way the world looks at who we are. Now, for all those who are thinking ahead and wondering where this is leading to, it's easy. It is about the wonderful world of dating:)

Now forget the dream of finding the perfect knight (also a person who owns a lot of property and status) who will sweep you off your feet at first glance and take you to his castle on the hill or a hero (someone who pretends to look handsome, and has a bank balance that rivals the national treasury), who will woo you with his romantic skills. Most normal men have to get a relationship going with that ritual of letting the object of their interest get to know them better... in other words, "The Date".

So, this is the question? Do we start off by showing our date we can wow them with the most wondrous time they've ever had, throwing everything expensive at her but a diamond ring? Or do we get subtle, making the day memorable and filled with laughter and locations that involve just your being there, without having to incur any expenditure?

Do we really want to make our dating life high maintenance?

Before you start to make your final decision, which will ironically depend on what part of life you're in now, let me break up the good and the bad of both kinds of dates.

First of all, and for all those who don't know what it means, a date is something that you take off a calendar and a book, because you're going to dedicate that entire day to that one special person. So book your dates at least two days in advance.

Next, the high maintenance date involves three things — get a really expensive place to woo, things or people to pamper her, and really classy transportation that you own. This kind of date will tell her what you are and what you can offer her for a long time. If this should turn into a relationship, and if this isn't you, then, please don't let it become you, because it will drain you to the depths of your soul. And besides, a lot of women don't really care much for this thing on a first date, but then again, judging females are a really trouble.....:)

The other date will also involve finance, but not to the extent of a high maintenance wooing session. This date involves who you are, bare to your soul, so that the woman you're taking out can really see what she's getting into. It involves getting personal so that in the end she's thinking about going out again just so that she can learn more. This date will almost always lead to a relationship, so remember, if it does, then, you have to make one high maintenance date in the near future if you like this girl; so, START SAVING:)

`Hug the bully'

2008-08-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

Do people comment on the way you look or the way you dress, and find new reasons just to "pull your leg"? Do you feel like lashing out at them but cannot find the right words. I confess I have felt that way when people have commented on my looks, and let's face it, it is not a nice feeling. But I have often wondered why people make fun of others. I mean, what does it matter to you if I am too tall or short or thin or fat, it is my body and I don't have a problem with it.

According to a psychological analysis, people make fun of others because they are not comfortable in their own skin. Inferiority stimulates the need to mock or put someone else down in order to feel superior. To feel more important or better than the person they are making fun of.

In short, people who often criticise others lack self-confidence and have low self-esteem. Criticising is also a means of self-defence.The explanation made a lot of sense to me. So the next time someone makes you feel bad for the way you look, pity them and maybe use the Munnabhai Vasool Raja technique, and give them a hug, because believe me they need it more than you do. And to the bullies who guise taunts as well wishers — Henry Ford once said, "Don't find fault; find a remedy." So if you are really concerned about somebody's health and fitness, encourage their efforts.

How much is too much?

2008-08-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

Let's face it. In this day and age, there's no such thing as a casual relationship, at least not if your new at the love game, or if you're used to using the Internet for 22 hours a day. Believe it or not, almost every single person today has been into at least one serious relationship. When you come to think about it, being into a relationship isn't all that bad. There's someone to love you completely and take care of you. But how much is too much?

And most of you will know what I'm talking about. Sometime there is so much caring and pampering that there is no room for independence. What happens when you get too much attention? Can a person get so nice and caring that he/she can be annoying? Everything is spawned out of love, but there always are those who shower too much love or have watched way too many romantic movies and would willingly give their heart for you, literally. In the beginning all is fine; I mean who doesn't like to be pampered a little, okay, a lot. But as the relationship goes on and we grow as individuals, the need to do things for ourselves will mostly happen. And that's when sitting quietly while the love of our life handles everything starts to get really annoying. After all, each of us would like to do certain things in our own way, without help.

So what do you do? Well, don't break up with your loved one because believe it or not he/she will love you till the end of the earth. So, instead of battling till you go blue and destroying what's nice in your life, take time out to explain why you need to do certain things on your own and that there will be times when you need your space. Tell him/her them that this will not affect your love.

Are you star struck?

2008-07-25T04:38:00.000-07:00

It turns out that the human civilization, notwithstanding all the advancement in science, is superstitious. Whether you’re superstitious or not, you eventually learn to live with it in some form or the other.

But there is one area where superstition rules — relationships! Every relationship even today will base its success or failure on some form of astrology or cosmic force or power that frankly has nothing to do with who you are as a person. So if you’re one of those who take superstition, astrology, numerology or anything else seriously, then this is for you.

First, to all the people who form an opinion, about what kind of partner you are, is based, on what star sign you belong to — take up animal research. The world needs more zoologists, what with so many animals on the endangered species list. Know that people are either bad or good in a relationship because of a reason called “situation”. Ambition, career, personality and like-mindedness are the qualities that make people compatible... not a ram, bull, lion or any other insect or crustacean. So stop asking the person you’re interested in what star-sign he or she belongs to. Just ask them out. To you I say, “Forget Zoology. Because loving a person is way better than loving a half-goat, half-fish hybrid.”

Next those who decide relationships based on the combined calculation of their birth date and year or the number of days they’ll be happy or sad in a year, this is for you.

The perfect job for you is accounting and the world really needs more Indians who can calculate to the exact number, hence saving their company lakhs of rupees. A person is not known by adding up to the number 2. So, stop doing that, because all that you’re eventually doing is making your third grade math teacher really happy. To you I say, “Date the person not the math equation.”

Finally, realize that a little superstition in a relationship is actually a good thing and using it in those little ways actually makes life fun. But knowing who you are and what your partner is like based on the stars is primitive. So the next time you decide to tell the person you love his or her future, look at their palm and say, “Your future is bright … I’m in it!”

Don't let the spark die

2008-07-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

What is it that makes a relationship strong? What is it that makes us fall in love with someone and love him/her till the end of our existence? Why is it so hard to hold on to a relationship from every angle and why do we question our loyalty after a while? Why am I rambling on with questions about relationships and their longevity?

Well, if you're in a relationship that's been going on for a long time, like a few of my friends, then I'm sure you've been into at least one major problem with yourself at some point of time. Either you're confused on where your relationship is heading to? Or on why is it that you're other half never takes any interest in anything you like doing? It's at this point in time that you start asking yourself if it was love that held you two together in the first place. Or did you force yourself into believing that you are in love?

Well, if you're in that predicament then here's something that you also need to think about...

First of all, love makes a relationship strong. But love isn't hugging and kissing and spending money on outings and socializing. In the beginning yes, it is all that and more. But love is also about the comfort that two people nurture between them.With love you can understand that person so well that when something goes wrong for your partner you sense before him/her.

So the next time you're feeling out of love, take a deep breath and exhale. And if you breathe easy with the thought of your partner, then you're doing a good job.

But there is another problem, the longer you are in a relationship, the more mundane the special things become, until finally you both are bored and look for means to revive the dying spark. For this, there's only one explanation. Perhaps, you have used up the coolest expressions such as writing a poem on every birthday or a note every anniversary on how much you mean to each other. Bring back the romance by getting tickets to a movie just for the two of you. Or accompany your partner to a movie he/she wants to watch even if you hate it. Do selfless things when it matters the most, and not everyday.

Remember a relationship is like a plant. Talk to it, love it, nurture it and watch that plant turn into a redwood.

Ladies, it's your turn, now

2008-07-06T05:38:00.000-07:00

Women! The reason a man would change anything for, given the right motivation or sometimes none at all. Women have that special aura about them that would make any man go weak in the knees, and a man would do almost anything to make sure that his lady knows how much he loves her. Sure there are a lot of bad apples in the Adam cart, but most men I know would go out of their way just for that simple sentence from a woman — "Oh, you're so sweet!"

Ladies, it's a war. The single men are battling, and sparing no effort to get themselves into a relationship. And the best part of all this is that the women know they have the power to get virtually anything out of the guy who is pursuing them. So to them, all the best! To the single men, remember that romance and charm get you anywhere and it's spring, so going ballistic is the name of the game.

Now wat am i trying to write about? Change. The turn of the tide. If women speak of equality in everything, then here's equality. Wooing has largely been a man's territory. Women know that men have to work, and work hard if they want to even think of going anywhere with a woman and sustaining the new found relationship. They have to be mature, charming and witty and at the same time pamper her like there's no tomorrow. Fine! That's all well and good, but this year we're going to change that. And I know there are tonnes of ladies out there who are as romantic as their partners or maybe even more. But to the ones who know that they'll be wooed, I say start the romance. It's time women in a relationship got romantic. And why not? The season is in. So why wait? And, in case you want to make this change and don't know how, here's what you do!

Find out what your partner likes the most — like something that he mentions and then forgets about during the course of a conversation. A place he'd like to go to or a dinner date with a difference or may be even a fantasy that he likes. It could be anything, use your imagination, but it has to be done just once a month. That way he'd still woo you but he now knows that his lady cares enough to show him that all that he's doing is appreciated. And to all who agree, go for it. And here's wishing you the best in unleashing that romantic beast.

No more doubting, please

2008-06-29T23:15:00.000-07:00

Relationships are the most wonderful things that we as a human species have. In fact, I can’t live for long if I don’t have cuddles and pampering. But every relationship has a list of problems. And though most of them are solved as the relationship gets more serious, there are always those few problems that no amount of reason can cure. These are jealousy, possessiveness and ego.

They are the main reasons why people drift apart. And though they may seem cute at first, especially when you look at the fact that you’re getting extra attention from your partner, in a serious relationship, they sometimes make you do stupid things like inflicting physical damage on yourself, becoming extremely depressed and, in some cases, suffering a permanent nervous breakdown.

So, I thought to myself, these things are serious, but is there a way we could avoid the carnage and live through the relationship so that we end up loving the other person more? And then it hit me, the solution to those problems lie in one giant feeling — trust!

But what is trust? Ask anyone in a serious relationship if they trust the other and the answer will be yes or 80/20, in favour of yes. But the reality is, they don’t. You see, in a relationship, you either trust or you don’t, and most of us don’t. Why? Why is it we claim we’re in love and dedicate our lives to one person when we doubt their capability to love us back? Letting go of doubt and knowing that we won’t be hurt by them is trust. And that is needed in a serious relationship.

But, what about our ego? Trusting will solve our fear of rejection. But what about the saying that a lot of us live by “my way is better because I know what I’m talking about more than you do”? In every serious relationship, it’s always about the fact that either one is bigger in terms of age, knowledge or status.

And if you want love to work and your relationship to go on forever, then remember, you and your partner are one.

You're in love, is he?

2008-06-23T23:26:00.000-07:00

There apparently are women out there who still want to know how to find out if the man they fancy, likes them too. This is not for a lot of the women that I know of or those that travel around in circles that consist of people that proclaim that they belong to foreign nationalities... simply because you ladies know how to make men drool and sometimes like to toy with the poor primates just for sadistic pleasure. Now on to the supposed problem... firstly if you don't know if the guy likes you and you like the guy... I'd like you to try what I like to call, "being the man"... and simply ask him to come to a corner and tell him the way you feel and ask him if those feelings will be reciprocated. This approach though requires a lot of courage and will probably involve a little embarrassment... but in the end it's the fastest way to finding out what you want... and since he is a man... and if he is single...err... wait a minute scratch that and come back to the first... since he is a man... the answer would mostly be a positive one. But tell me one thing though... call me old fashioned but I still believe in a time when men used to do all the wooing, but times have changed. But anyway this is mostly the way to find out if he loves you too.

The second and probably the easier way out would be to write him a letter or a poem proclaiming your undying love to him. This however does have its set backs... you see the guy you like has absolutely no idea that you like him and hence must be a little slow on the logic part of his body. So I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks that your letter is some kind of friendship proclamation, and completely misunderstands the whole thing. In which case you'd have to resort to either wasting a lot of paper or plan number one in the above... which I say is the one you should go for.

So there having made this so simple now that even first standard children can understand how to tell if someone has a crush on them. I shall rest and say, "May your new found love, learn body language."

Buffeted on all sides

2008-06-15T06:30:00.000-07:00

Today's working woman' has many roles to play. At the work place, she is a responsible employee, and at home, an affectionate wife and dedicated mother. In other words, she is a juggler par excellence.

Women take up a career for many reasons, monetary being one. Of course, some are primarily career-oriented. But, after the arrival of a child, she finds it difficult to cope with the demands, tilting the balance.

She is placed in a dilemma as she cannot sacrifice one for the other. While on the one hand, much stress is laid on childcare, the working woman is unable to do justice to this fully because of her commitment to her job. In the process, she fails, either on one front or at times both. Flexible working hours may be a solution. After all, in the present social context, the joint family is a fast vanishing concept. With none to lend a helping hand in the nuclear family set up, her presence is needed at home, all the more when the child is young.

Doctors today say that a mother's proximity to her child is important for its normal physical and mental growth, particularly in the formative years. Child crime, drug abuse and lawlessness in young are on the rise. This fall-out is because parents, especially the mother, cannot give the much needed time and attention to the child.

`Quality time' alone is not enough. An observant mother can spot even a subtle change in her child much before others and take timely action. Any amount of help from others can only supplement but not substitute maternal care.

By nature, woman is gifted with more grace, tolerance and acumen. These virtues are manifest in motherhood. Woman's emancipation is a high sounding phrase running tangential to this ideology. The two have to meet at a point; the latter should not over-ride the joy of motherhood. But then, how is she going to make both ends meet? A million dollar question.

Irony is that after the day's toil, she winds up on a sour note with more of brickbats than bouquets. At work, higher-ups feel she stays away from work too often, citing domestic reasons. At home, the husband grudges he has to shoulder more burden with a wife working, conveniently forgetting it is for the family. Elders feel they are neglected.

The woman is disgruntled, and feels robbed of her pleasure and passion with no time of her own. She comes under severe stress and tends to compare with the women at home for whom she is the `neighbour's envy'. At times, unable to do a tightrope walk, she may opt out of a lucrative career and settle down to a cheerful family life.

When age doesn't matter

2008-06-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

"What is the right age to fall in love?".So to all you confused people here is an explanation on the age you need to... err... fall in love, and the different feelings that mean that you're in love for sure.

Forget everything that you've seen in the movies. There is no love at first sight. There is no love without understanding. And above all, there is no love without a mature and sensible relationship. So, if the girl you apparently love doesn't know you exist then I'm sorry but you're not in love.

Next. Never mistake a crush or infatuation for love because love comes from caring for the person over a long period of time, building a bond of a future and comfort. So if you like someone and never proposed to her or him, then you don't love him or her because you don't know him or her.

And finally, on the right age.There are two ways to look at this issue. One, you are really young and already have a girlfriend/boyfriend and want to be with the same person for the rest of your life. Then 13 is the right age to fall in love:)

The other way is that you already have a gf/bf, you're 24, have a job, working towards a secure future and being able to support a family, then that is the right age to fall in love. I know that I sound a bit sentimental but, whatever age you are, love requires sacrifice and support....:)

Love yourself first

2008-06-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

It was a hot Chennai afternoon as my usual group of suspects (my friends) and I sat down to have our helping of overpriced junk food. Love it seemed was to jump out and bite one of us where the sun rarely chose to shine... The poor guys's three-year relationship was about to end because the woman he loved was going to get married to someone else. The same thing happened to another friend. Naturally the consoling started and it was then that he said something that made me write this. "Why can't we just fall in love once and stop?"

Believe it or not, every relationship that has ever existed has choices; what you choose depends on who you are. As our hormones race faster than they would have in our 40s, most of us tend to have a serious relationship at the age of 20. And that's when those choices start to play an important role. Whether you need this relationship and make life move accordingly, or whether we go the way of the world and see what life eventually turns out for us. Being the smartest thing on this planet, women usually choose the latter:)... Then comes heartbreak, pain, lots of chocolate and overweight.

Our life is quite simple; grow up, get a job, get married and have children, then teach them to do exactly the same thing. Most relationships end because what we want is mostly in reverse to what our partners want. And love for your self comes first. Most of the friends and relations I know, have done the most romantic things for the sake of their love, like leave their home and come to another country simply because their love shifted, quit a plum job and take a whole new sad career because their love was in the same line of work. But after all this, their love decided to move on and they got dumped in the process. Believe it or not, there are a lot of people out there, who have let go all opportunities in life in the name of love, while the other half move on with their life and say, it's for your own good.

Simply imagine what you will look like 10 years from now. Some middle order person who has lost all of life's opportunities because you ran after someone who promised you then, that eternity with them was yours. So, in conclusion, if you're in love and are ready to slit your wrists at the whim of a lover, just remember that YOU are the only one that's living your life, and for the sake of your future, love and humanity, love yourself too:)

Give love a chance

2008-05-28T00:53:00.000-07:00

We live in a fast-paced world. And notice it or not, everyone seems to have less and less time to do even the smallest things in life these days. In fact, even in relationships... starting one properly... or the old-fashioned way where boy meets girl... they go out... share the same feelings for one another, and only then move on into the relationship zone is becoming a rarity. Or at least that's what I think... but then again, what do I know?:)

But, time is something we're valuing more and more these days, especially for boys who are too chicken to approach a woman to talk to her but instead steal her number from a common friend, or even trace it and later start a relationship either through phone messaging or chatting on the web. And some may call it justified. After all, the men of the south Indian clans are, let's face it, getting older by the second and there are so many pressures... er.. responsibilities that need to be fulfilled.

So who's REALLY got the time for physically being at the beginning of a relationship, when a phone call can do the trick just as easily for a month or two? In fact, this time thing is taken so seriously that some women don't even know what the guy looks like. For months they just check out a picture on the web, assume that the Shah Rukh Khan look-alike is the man of their dreams and leave everything to the heart and pleasant conversation. Or the men who try frantically to chat with everything with a feminine name on the web in the hope that one will fall in love with that romantic dialogue, "What is your good name?"

But believe it or not, all these methods are the latest way to meet someone in your locality. Just ask your nearby regional movie watching college kid. He'll tell you that there have been lots of movies that have used this concept which worked. So, it's probably a sure fire thing. Also, remember, there is no substitute for physical presence, all you need is the will to give love a chance.

Oh, no, not again infatuation!

2008-05-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

Love is a crazy thing; it'll make you dizzy and sober, all at the same time. But love is the most misunderstood feeling, and that's probably the sole reason most relationships end as soon as they begin. "Infatuation my friend!" This is probably misunderstood for love almost every single time. Some people say, "Hey we're Indians, and we're new at this love game, so it's easy to make that mistake." But get dumped in a hurry and I promise, "It won't be your nationality you'd be cursing!"

Most of the people in India (and I say India because it's my country and I couldn't care about the rest of the world's lovers) think if some girl or boy speaks to them, then it's love and it's time to get married and start planning children. "NO, IT'S NOT!"

A lot of you are probably wondering why this sudden slash at those poor regional movie watchers who think (and in some parts of Tamil Nadu this is true) movies are actually 100 per cent based on reality, especially the love scenes. They think, "Hey so that's how it's done". But hear me out. A lot of boys think if it's love they're feeling towards the girl in their class who borrowed their pen. I say, no, it wasn't love but they could work towards a relationship either as a friend and then later let fate take its course. Now it's all right to get infatuated, in fact, I'd encourage it but please don't mistake infatuation for love.

Don't get hurt or rejected or embarrassed, here's how to tell the difference. You really like this girl/guy. That person is all you're thinking of, day in and day out. You can't eat, you can't sleep, they're becoming your very life source, but that person doesn't even know you exist. Sorry kid, you're not in love, you're infatuated. Simply because you know too little about that being and that person about you. And let's pray that you don't follow them and know all there is to know about him/her because then you're stalking, and that's scary. You're genuinely in love when you've been with the same person for more than six months and both of you see a mature future in your relationship. When there's truth, loyalty and those little annoyances that need to be worked out. That's when you're in love.

So remember, whatever it is you're feeling towards the other person, it's always better not to hold it back, but face it one step at a time. Maybe when you do, your infatuation really could turn into love.

Rules guys wish girls knew:)

2008-05-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

* If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

* Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

* Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

* Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

* Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

* When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really, you have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

* Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

* Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us beforehand.

* Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

* You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done — not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

* The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better.

* We are not mind readers and never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. If we ask what is wrong and you say `nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle!

Try talking things over

2008-04-30T06:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that in almost every argument it's our egos that get pampered the most? I mean that's mostly what happens, except for those few cases where a fight ends with an explanation or where one of the two starts to grin and just passes it on as though nothing happened in the first place. But, most times, it's just one person not talking to the other simply because he/she thinks the other is the one who's wrong.
Now let's face facts. We're human. And as the ruling race on this planet we tend to have a dominant ego. And this is for all those who don't believe that they have an ego, and who frown in disbelief at the fact that ego plays an important part in a relationship. You need to learn human psychology because, believe it or not, you do have an ego. And it is at its strongest when it comes to your relationship. Why else would you have that ever popular argument, that men are from a different planet and women just won't shut up? Why else would you assert that you know the proper directions to all places and that you have a greater right to be possessive? And why else would you always have that argument that your man never listens to what you truly need in your relationship, and is not romantic or man enough to give you what you need?

Let's face it. This is one of those things that's never going to go away. So what do we do about it? Well, do you remember that whole maturity thing that women keep throwing up at men every time they do something stupid? Maturity isn't acting 40 years older than your present age. It's listening and learning the simplest way to end a problem without the violence that men rush into every time there's one. It's suppressing their ego.

Now, this is mainly for the men, because it is mostly them who can never live without the fairer sex. But it's also for a lot of women because many act so childishly. The next time you get into an argument, instead of shouting, try talking seriously instead. That way you end up listening. Then try to resolve differences. Finally, go for a walk and think about all the cute things in that angry face because that's why you fell in love in the first place:)

Love and care 24/7

2008-04-22T01:09:00.000-07:00

There are many types of relationships. Though they're mostly romantic, there are a few which don't require much creativity simply because they start from the day we're born. And the people we bond with, are our parents.

They are the people who stand by us through every failure and applaud every little achievement, who taught us everything — speech, movement, culture and tradition and gave us an education for which they saved their lifetime's earnings. I specially dedicate this for the children who love their parents but sometimes take for granted what they do for them. It's for the children who have grown up and feel they can do everything on their own.

Yesterday, I happened to watch a movie. Ironically, it was after a spat with my parents because they wanted me to come home early. And after the snarling and insisting that I was old enough to handle myself and that I did have a house key, I abruptly hung up and started watching the movie. It was about a father who refuses to give up hope for a better life because he had a son to take care of.

That's when it struck me. Our parents may sometimes seem like they don't understand that times have changed, that the world has become competitive and it's hard enough trying to make a life of your own without having to abide by rules that mostly seem outdated. But when you look at it, you realise they are concerned about the potential dangers you could face. Because to our parents, protecting us from any kind of harm was a promise they made the second we were born. And taking care of us will never end no matter who we turn out to be. So I did the next best thing after the movie. I apologised to my mom and dad, telling them how lucky I was just to have two angels looking after me 24/7. So the next time you get an opinion or questions from your mother or a piece of advice from your father, remember to listen and ponder over it when you can:)

The space issue

2008-04-16T04:32:00.000-07:00

Space... women live for it. So do men, sometimes. But believe it or not, space in a relationship can sometimes be a guiding light to save a disastrous break-up, or it could lead to that long lost sense of freedom and you'd break up anyway.

But whatever it leads to depends on what your idea of space really is? When you're in a relationship, the beginning is always a time when the two of you can't get enough of each other. Then, as time marches on, the two of you reach a point where you end up knowing a little too much about each other. This is the time when you start missing being with your friends and going out, shopping, or just being somewhere by yourself without the constant pampering and the need to say "I love you" all the time. Now, you need space.

So in the spirit of tradition, this is what'll probably happen. You'll be afraid to tell him/her you need time alone for fear of what he or she might say, until it builds up inside. Then you'll have plenty of arguments and eventually break up or go on a long break, wherein if you two don't meet in the next 100 years, it'll be too soon. 90 per cent of relationships follow the pattern simply because there was never any space to begin with.

But as they say, "You live to learn and learn to live," and here's what you need to learn.

First of all, please don't rush into being all mushy and love-filled all the time. From the beginning of your relationship, build a stable and even platform for yourself. That is, don't spend all your time on your new relationship from the beginning, take it slow and find stuff to do with your time rather than using up all the fondness in the beginning.

Now this doesn't mean you need to spend an hour and then run away. It means, meeting three or four times a week would be more than enough. But you need to make it as special as possible. That way you can spend the remaining time on yourself, maybe with friends or doing other things. Now this can only be done if both partners are based in the same city. Long distance relationships have that element of space already,so more love is what you'll need:)

In conclusion, for those of you who are into the `space' thing already, or even on a break, remember that it's just a break and it doesn't mean it's the end of your relationship. So don't panic and bug your partner every two seconds. That's the reason why he/she took the break in the first place...

Love or friendship?

2008-04-10T00:44:00.000-07:00

Love. Something that captivates and controls mind, body and soul. Extreme affection, trust and comfort. Something that has of late started to contribute a lot to the economy also. And the core of almost every blockbuster till date:)

Love. It hits us fast and before we know it, we can't eat, we can't sleep and would eventually look like zombies that arose from the dead just to hunt down the one we fell for.

But how do we make it happen? How can we make a lovely relationship with someone who either doesn't know that we love him/her, or is a close friend?

If the person doesn't know you, then get to know him/her. I know a lot of people would run screaming. But believe me it's all about timing. Forget about coffee, or proposing love, and everything after... but do some research. Find out what he/she likes and use it in conversation. Get to know him/her.

If the person knows you and is a friend, then ask in the course of conversation if the two of you would ever be compatible. That way you know if friendship is the only option. And if you are friends for long, then just go ahead and ask. But before that, stress that this is just the way you feel, and that no matter what the answer is, you don't want to lose his/her friendship.

But whatever approach you may have, always remember that you need to give it time. Sometimes it takes a day, sometimes a week, maybe a month or maybe longer. Be yourself and don't cry like the world has ended if the answer is no, or it takes too long. Know that there are always priorities in life; you just have to realise what yours are.

Go and make an impact. And remember that the first impression is always the best. And may the words be with you.

Friends are forever

2008-04-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

We have such a range of of relationships in our lifetime. There are the ones with our parents, those with our partners, those with families of our own, but there is one relationship that we seldom have time for.Even though there are those who claim that they’re all for it and some actually live each moment by its code (yes it does have a code) its sad to see that there are also many of us who take it for granted. This is the relationship we share with our friends, and this is for all those of us who’ve let it fade due to the pressures of work, love and petty differences.

Finding a friend isn’t hard it’s something we as humans do instinctively, but keeping one is a completely different story. When you were in school, you and that gang of friends were going to change the world with your radical ideas but then there really wasn’t anything that hindered that relationship. In college, you and your friends experienced the wonder of growing up and the change that accompanied it - the clothes, the music, the opinions, the freedom. And even though the future was uncertain there was a sense of optimism that at least you’d help each other out.

But here’s where things changed. Falling in love means time spent with friends is less and that spent with your partner is more. Then comes the engagement not to mention the pressures of our job. In the bargain our friends take a back seat, and in the long run sometimes vanish forever, becoming nothing more than sweet memories we think about in times of nostalgia.

But there are two sides to every story. While friends will stay with you, some don’t justify the beauty of the relationship and sometimes you tend to be the loser. There are others however who will catch you whenever you fall. And those are the people who deserve nothing but the best from you as a friend.

So letz stay together even after our luvly college days...KEEP IN TOUCH guys.....

Dumped? It's no big deal!

2008-03-27T06:38:00.000-07:00

The four most murderous words in the English language are: "We need to talk." This sentence can send shivers down your spine, simply because almost always it means that after saying it there'll be a whole lot of begging that'll probably take effect two hours after you're sitting alone trying to recover your senses. "You've just been dumped."

Now for most people being dumped isn't that big a deal, it merely means that we're single again and that the relationship we were in wasn't the right one for us. After all, this entire dumping thing is becoming more common by the minute in our present generation, and I often ask myself why was I not born back in the old days, when crime was less and so were the diseases. But that would make me really old now, and the thought of that scares me....;)

There are two ways that people deal with being dumped, either they accept it and move on, thinking maturely that it wasn't the right relationship or wallow in a sea of depression, ready to curse the life out of anything they look at. This one is for the people who embrace the noise when they're dumped. What the heck do we do afterwards?

There are three things that help, and have really proven effective over the years, but they don't necessarily work for everybody. So here are the alternatives. Everyone says we need to get our minds away from the thought that we are no more part of a couple, so keeping busy is probably one of the most effective ways. Planning every spare minute of your day, even if it means meeting the same friends over and over again. This really works, but not for everybody. So, here's the alternative, `transform'. Out with the old and in with the new, a very sexy new. Burn all the old couple photos and go shopping. Get dressed up, look sexy, and then, "go hunting". Talk about the way you feel. Let your closest friends into this private circle and confide in them. It takes the pain away, or at least decreases it so that you can face another day, (This helps sometimes a lot, but again not for everybody. Some people really don't want to talk about anything), look ahead and, this time, look not for the both of you and your future but for you and only your future. Plan and follow what you plan. Remember you need to get rich fast.

Now believe it or not this will work for everybody and not many people try this out. Learn! From everybody especially your friends. While spending time with them observe and create philosophies that help you realise you are actually to gain by being single. Trust me, sit with your friends and bring up the topic of modern relationships, and just listen and observe. They will give you so many answers that you'll feel like a million bucks in the end. So go and become the hottest thing this city has ever seen and learn mostly that you aren't tied down any more. But know that there is actual love out there. Only now it has to find you, rather than you go searching for love. And, in conclusion, remember that when and if love gets over rated there are always those special friends who will put it back in perspective.

For the ones you love

2008-03-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

"Life," my father once started when I sat down depressed because of something unfair that had happened to me, "is like a bumpy road. You're always thrown about and never content or happy and most of the time it's just one bad day after another."

"But," he continued (as my eyes began to brim with tears..)"once in a while you'll manage to steal a really good moment, and it'll fill you with the happiness of a god and you'll cherish it so much that even when life returns to normal you'll go on with this one in mind until the next one comes along."

It's been almost 10 years since that chat, and it's never been a day since then that I haven't lived by those words.

It's time to bend the rules a little bit. It is said, to be a better lover, you have to learn to be a better person, and this is going to make an angel out of you. We live in a demanding world, and with all the tension and pressure when was the last time we ever stopped and appreciated anything (and by that I mean people) done for us for too long. Well, if you haven't, then now's the time to start.

When I say appreciate, I don't mean every SINGLE person that happens to be part of your life, but the three most dominating factors that'll always be part of you for all time. Your parents. Your siblings. And then, your spouse or partner. These people are your life and it'll be a very good life if they're appreciated a lot more. Now if you're wondering how to go about showering these people with extra affection, then here's what you could try...

I make it a point to hug my mother and tell her not only that I love her but also thank her for all the times that she has been there to hold my hand and tell me I was the best, even though I just came last in a walking race. I take my father out for lunch and that latest action movie he wanted to see so that we're alone spending a little time together. Because I know that whatever I am or whoever I am, my parents will always think I'm number one. (Just as long as there's room for improvement:)....)

I know there were times when the sibling battle burned so high that it'd be a literal blood bath, but whatever happens I know I can crib about anything, spill secrets from my heart that I'd never tell god and know with the greatest of confidence that my sibling would be there to listen. Here it's material; so shopping for women, and beer or a wallet for men.

Now finally this is for the one person who thinks you're the hottest thing in their life. When she/he least expects it, drop down on both knees and thank that person just for being the most special part of your life and love them because they love you too.

So, remember, if it's love you're after, then look around it's actually all over; all you have to do is appreciate.

The FAT phenomena

2008-03-14T06:07:00.000-07:00

What's wrong in being fat? Being fat is no sin. There's nothing wrong with people desiring a flawless figure, but please make space for those who don't resemble Greek sculptures or anatomy book illustrations. People find chubby babies irresistible. They pull their cheeks and plant kisses. But if you are above five, nobody finds your chubbiness adorable. Your parents, friends and relatives give you tips on how to fight flab. They will suggest a new gym somebody they know has discovered or some new exercise they are trying out. You are so embarrassed and don't know how to take the advice. If the lift blinks overload, everyone turns to the fattest in the lot, as if in accusation. I have seen some of the plump ones step out of the lift, even though they had stepped in first. I lament over the difference a few pounds of flesh can make. I find it silly when people spend their time and energy trying to figure out why another looks a little heavy. Isn't it enough to be healthy? If someone is uncomfortable with his/her body, then he/she can try to shed the extra pounds. But they should definitely not be doing it because everyone else is. It has to be a personal choice. I had tried starving myself for that perfect figure. But at the end of it, I only learnt to value good food. Enjoying good food is no sin. In the `fat' versus `thin' debate, the focus is always on the advantages of being `thin'. What about those who are fat? In schools, you are not part of any group because you are on the plumper side. At public places, people discuss the reason behind it. If you are a woman, everyone will tell you that finding a groom can be tough. I have read that in Nigeria, there is a community that considers huge women attractive. What can I say? I am born on the wrong side of the planet:)

A reason to feel secure

2008-03-01T05:19:00.000-08:00

Relationships are of many kinds. This time I'm going to write about a kind of relationship I've found to be the most important, but somehow the least written about — Friendship. It's the kind of relationship that can stand the test of time, provided you stand by it. And though all of us have friends, friendship is the one thing we take for granted. So, this is for friends. Not for those you speak to or those who amuse you, but those who stick by you through the toughest of times, simply because they believe in you. What I am today, my accomplishments, is thanks to my own efforts, of course, with the advice, guidance and care of my parents and well-wishers. My failures are mine too, because I didn't believe in the advice of those more experienced than me. Though I had friends, in fact, many of them, I never considered them an important part of my life, probably because I had better things to do. Life's changed now and my future is clear. And as I was thinking about the things I liked, I remembered the people who were with me during all those times I thought I could never make it anywhere, all those times I wanted to go somewhere, all those times I needed a hug and an ego boost because I looked nice or did something praiseworthy, I thought of my friends. Sure there were those people who posed as friends just because they needed something in time. But this is for all my real friends. You are the reason that I feel secure, because no matter what happens, I know you'll always have my back. You are my strength and my joy. So, remember your friends and treat them well. Because such relationships evolve when they stand the test of time and you'll realise that one day your friends won't be your friends anymore... they'd have evolved into family.

His and her blogs

2008-02-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

Do men and women write the same things when they blog?Or are they, as always, from Mars and Venus, writing chalk and cheese? Given that blogs are just an extension of your personality, it is true that posts made by men end up sounding very different from those written by women.

Most women largely blog about issues that reflect their sensitivity (I know it sounds like they only do meaningful posts, but sensitivity could also sometimes be used as a euphemism for all the gossip-mongering they do) and most men deem it macho and cool to write what they think is insensitive: they spout profanity, give their expert opinion on everything from what you should do to increase the country's gross domestic product to tips for Team India to win the World Cup and even write open letters to everyone from George W. Bush to Vijaya T. Rajendher, secretly hoping that one day, Mani Ratnam or Steven Spielberg would chance upon their blog and convey their heartfelt gratitude for the criticism:)

Also, women's posts mostly revolve around themselves and often explore the fascinating contradictions, ironies and other complexities their lives are seldom associated with...now tats wat i am doin now!!!!

Men blog on lighter and casual issues that reflect their simplicity. For many women, it's largely cathartic. Which is why, a lot of women are anonymous bloggers. They have a virtual personality largely different from their real selves. For a lot of men, blogging is an exercise in advertising their presence to the female of the species. Their virtual personality is also largely different from their real selves. Some of them do not put up pictures or other damaging information and hence end up anonymous anyway.

Women get sentimental and always generate more comments and readership than men's posts do. The amount of mush women generate in their blogs will make Karan Johar thankful for a lifetime's supply of soppy material for his films. When men try the same, they produce enough corn to generate giggles. Therefore, men intentionally and otherwise, actually end up sounding funnier than women. The differences are many and non-exhaustive. But due to space and time constraints, we'll just head to our conclusion. Whether you are man or woman, the question is: Does your blog reveal the real you? Or does it add a dimension to your personality? If it doesn't do either of the two, maybe you should continue that train of thought that will help you increase the country's gross domestic product. You just need to stop blogging and find some real work to do.

NOW dont ask me to stop ma blog guyz!!!

Convicts 08!!!!

2008-02-25T01:15:00.000-08:00

Well wondering wat this is yeah????....Definitely not the name of a cultural fest or a college symposium or some gr8 mega event tat i am publicising for.....Its a GANG....wel i could say...the Coolest of gangs u could find.....Its got everything in it....rite from studies to fun....every inch of life is seen in everyone of us.....we r a gang of 9....we do the best and the most of life's lovely and fun filled events.....

Well to start of..we became close during our fifth sem of college....but since v had this so called rows and columns of benches in class......we couldn find a place where all 9 ppl could interact every second of our college...then came the 7th sem and even the ones who used to give a second thought abt sittin at the bac, moved to the last rows.....so we got these 3 benches at the bac for us 9 and WOW!!! Fun began the way,it was never as before...

We laughed till tears came running down our cheeks....we fought for silly reasons....we ate during class hours.....we decorated our benches with artistic work( ya guyz...u know wat i mean!!! all this compass scratching...chalk writing and other interestin stuff)...and the names we kept for our fellow classmates and our faculty....:)

I am sure my gang would remember all tat....and also the names v kept for ourselves....Verum vaayai mennum K.D.....Sincere sikaamani subha....Oh my v wrote sssoo much!!! and some of us are gr8 lyricists at work..u give us a film song and we work out tat same song for any individual...

Something abt these gr8 ppl from ma personal point of view....we are not a gang which is meant to share joy....we r also the ones who help each other in distress and need...though such incidents r very few since all of us take things easily and dont let matters go to our heads( HMM HMM except a few ofcourse!!!yup...tat includes me)...

And our bday parties....Sheesh!!! I remember every single party v hav planned for,each unique in its own way.....Lovely surprises....Creamy cakes...Super Photographs.....Exotic KHAANA....mmmmm!!!!

We hav been to films and theme parks.....The VGP trip...Jodhaa Akbar...Satham Podadhey...and the list goes on and on and on........also the things we discuss.....

mothers,life,family,college,staff,teaching,books and obviously GUYS!!!and a lot more.....

U know wat...7 of us r placed in the same company and wil travel together for our training....though its a bit sad tat the rest 2( who were put up in some other company) cant stay with us...

Life still moves on with loadsa frolic and chat everyday...now tat v r into our 8th sem with just 2 days of college.....OOPS!!!! sorry...i forgot abt the lunch...every single person in this group has mothers who can prepare the best of the sumptuous dishes....Kichadi's, Channa masala,Idli's,Fried rice and also curd rice:)

Wel i think i covered everything i knew of this group;)

Just check out the snap to find out the personalities of Convicts 08!!!

What love teaches you

2008-02-12T05:09:00.000-08:00

Love. Some say it's the most wonderful experience you can go through, whether it happens naturally or is shared by both parties. Others say it's the most embarrassing feeling, whether you're forced into it or if the other person is forcing you to love him/her. But like it or not, it is more or less the majority of relationships today. And whether they eventually work out or not, they still indicate everybody's willingness to experiment. But like everything fake, it fades fast. Because love is something that moulds itself, evolving into something different after a while. Because it simply is designed that way, not because that's the way it is, but because that's the way we change.

Picture this. You both like each other; `like' turns to `love' and then you can't sleep, can't eat, smile all the time and can't get the other person out of your mind. You become a zombie and your only mission in life is to make the other happy at any cost. Then, as your new relationship carries on and you grow, both in age as well as in love, you stop all those obsessively mushy romantic things that you used to do. Everything that used to turn you on so much about the other now becomes plain and regular. You start to look at a wider aspect of your relationship, like taking friends along on an outing or for a movie or not meeting as many times because you need to be either alone or concentrate on your career.

It's then,that love fades away, or maybe that's just in some cases. But in a few it evolves into something that still keeps its affection but gains three unique characters, that if learnt and practised would make that relationship INVINSIBLE. Simple qualities that we take for granted every single day, but unfortunately in love, taking them for granted would mean weakening and the inevitable demise of that affection you once shared. The three qualities are trust, loyalty and patience. For, without them, nothing would matter.

Remember that when you trust, you surrender the notion that the person who shares your love is ABSOLUTE. You prove that they not only have your heart but also share your reason. This is the hardest quality to maintain, because the moment doubt creeps in, the years of trust can vanish in an instant. This is what love will become.

Know that the loyalty you show will, in time, transform the one you love into someone who will believe anything that you propose. Simply because they know that you're not going anywhere. Being loyal shows that not only do you love that person so much that you want to be only with him/her, but that you love them so much that they become a priority. Be disloyal once and no words or actions in the world will change the anger it will cause. This is what love will teach you.

Be patient, because it truly is a virtue. Being patient in a relationship shows the one you love that you are beyond childish notions and really do have either a shoulder when they need one, a mind to provide a solution or the capacity to handle any phase that comes your way. Having patience means you take the relationship seriously and want it to last a lifetime. But be hasty and everything that you share will rush away and you will find yourself alone. This is what love evolves to.

So, remember this and know that it's not always romance and lust and the heat of passion that make a relationship last long. It's the maturity you gain that proves that you CAN really handle love forever.

Does subtlety always pay?

2008-01-24T20:05:00.000-08:00

Its special since its contributed by someone special:).....none other than ma dad!!!!
When you're in a relationship and you're a man, like so many other things in life, you have to learn to take certain things seriously. Because apart from love and passion, there's a person with you who needs attention. And sometimes, they need more attention and pampering. That's ok... because, believe it or not, men are mature enough to understand that. But the problem is they never seem to know when she really needs more attention. Women are blessed. They have the ability to do things that no man could even think possible. And what's even better is they have the willpower to ensure any problem is solved. The best part is women have this ability to convey their feelings, and even solutions to problems to us and to each other just by looking or by talking about the weather. The only problem is we never seem to get it! They call this subtle hinting, and according to them, it is a clear message telling us what they expect us to do. We call it extra sensory perception. Unfortunately, it's a genetic code we don't seem to share. Why is it that a woman will never tell a man exactly what she wants, and then say "Nothing", whenever he asks her if there's something wrong? Now I understand there are actually certain things you can't say aloud and we need to understand them automatically. That's called knowing you well and it IS required. But, please don't put us through the same process every time you need some exclusive time to talk or cuddle, just because we seem to be doing something else at the moment. And then get really angry that we never got your subtle cry for attention. "We're men! We have short attention spans. We don't even know how to watch TV without switching channels."
You see, we are silly. We need to be trained. So instead of getting angry and arguing, try out these alternatives.
We reciprocate to the following well:
We will pamper you if you tell us you don't feel loved, instead of holding our hands when we're on the phone with our friends.
We will talk to you if you say that we need to go out alone just for a drive, instead of sitting two feet in front of us saying absolutely nothing when we're reading.
And finally, we will cuddle and love if there is a little amount of seduction instead of giving us a mischievous grin three or four times and then getting angry 10 minutes later.

So, even though there are a lot of things that have to be subtle,there's nothing better than a good explanation.

Just Joking

2008-01-18T04:13:00.000-08:00

Romance mathematics

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Memory

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Happiness

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Propensity to change

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

Discussion technique

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

(Source: Internet)

Those two words

2008-01-10T05:02:00.000-08:00

In this day and age, and in our generation, life moves at rocket speed. And you'll find that our recent modernization has helped us to get into a relationship with almost no effort. So we do, we find a girl or a boy, start a conversation and then comes the dating and the next thing you know you're bang in the middle of a relationship. And you have to agree the initial rush of being in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. But as time goes by and both of you start to know everything about each other, the relationship starts to fizzle out.

So what do you do when that rush has ended and you now move at a snail's pace? What do you do to rekindle that dying flame? Well, if this happens to be your concern, then here are a few ways to turn that candle into a bush fire:)

Relationships are all about spending. Money, time, love... and the more you spend, the more it will please you. Or at least that was the plan. The ones who believe in doing everything for the ones they love, stop trying to make everyday special. Because if you make everyday special, then there would be no special days left. And you'll burn the love out faster than you could spell it.

So plan well. Make sure you don't miss out on the birthdays and the anniversaries and the Valentine's Day. These days a lot of people have forgotten the fine art of wooing with letters and poems and have them replaced with movies and outings. But even though you're romantic getaways will help, nothing beats a well-written poem or letter of love read in the right mood. This is something that you do to make up for all the time you have in between birthdays.

And finally, making a relationship last has two words to it — humor and faith. These principles should become your law. Humor is to make your partner laugh at all times and show him or her that life is fun, that you are fun and that your love is fun. Faith is to ask sensible questions and not run on a rampage of jealousy. Believe and show that you are still interested and love your partner.

Shopping patterns — is there an issue?

2008-01-04T01:58:00.000-08:00

A diagram doing the Internet rounds has an animated description of how men and women shop. A blue line shows the man taking the shortest trip to the nearest store to buy a pair of trousers. Time: 6 minutes. Cost: $33. A woman sets out on the same mission, moves up and down streets, visits a couple of shops and finally lands at the same store. Time: 3 hours, 26 minutes. Cost: $876. Excuse me? If a woman is extravagant and less than bright, how come she manages to put a nest egg away? If someone needs money on the sly, they go to the woman! A woman saves.

Studies in the U.S. to gauge male/female attitudes to shopping show markedly different preferences. True, the baseline product bought is the same. The difference is in the selection. Here are some insights into real-life shopping interests and buying motivations.

Men prefer tech features and applications..... In a digital camera, it would be an interchangeable zoom lens system, in PDAs a wireless facility, in a home theatre 5-channel systems — the last no woman wants..... Women want practical features like a Start button that's easy to press while rolling out chappatis with the phone cradled in the neck. ....In cameras, they look for capability to shoot the entire family, in HTs solid speaker systems, a blending design and a comprehensive warranty..... Sensible!:)

Women still do 80 per cent of the shopping and influence the other 20....(wait!!! this sounds like a pareto rule!!!) If at all men are shopping, it's for their exclusive clothes. Men also prefer to shop at supermarkets (you knew that!).... That's because men need to compare prices and quality easily..... Women, of course, are patient and cost-conscious..... With more women graciously giving up their traditional chores, you'll get to see more carts with a male attached to them blocking the supermarket aisle..... Wait, what about e-shopping? He's tech-savvy! Sorry, he'll continue to shop the old-fashioned way. Men find store-shopping (for gadgets!) rewarding and fun..... A woman would rather click her tongue at the merchandise in front of her. ...She needs to touch `n' feel, discuss and exchange and window-shop and most importantly BARGAIN!!!!! :)

Smoothing Out Misunderstandings

2007-12-29T06:19:00.000-08:00

Even those people who fancy themselves great communicators occasionally run into situations where they get into misunderstandings with friends and clients whom they address....For the rest of us, who might not kid ourselves into thinking we are excellent business communicators, misunderstandings can be a regular occurrence....So, what can be done to address and smooth out difficulties when misunderstandings occur?People are trying hard to get their point across and be heard, but they are communicating in a way that the other party just isn't able to respond to. Misunderstandings result....

The easiest way I have found to smooth out a misunderstanding is to take a step back and try to discover the motivation of the other person. If you can figure out what is driving them and what they are trying to achieve, you can generally figure out where and why things have gone awry and come up with ways to fix it. Of course, this means that you have to step away from your own motivation for the time being. We get locked in communication battles and breakdowns because we are determined to hold on to our point of view in the face of someone else's. In order to smooth out a misunderstanding, we have to be able to step away from our point of view long enough to see where the other person is coming from.

Once you start to see how things have gone wrong and misunderstandings have occurred, you can attempt to make repairs. Admitting where you might have gotten off track and taking responsibility for your part is a great first step.You can actually gain the upper hand sometimes, by admitting that you were wrong and attempting to make things better. Remember to take some time instead of trying to rush a resolution. Taking extra time in your communications can help prevent future misunderstandings from happening-especially with someone with whom you already know you have contrasting communication styles:)

Wat women really want???

2007-11-20T19:06:00.000-08:00

Well....guys in love,think tat there's no one better than their partner,in de entire globe....this thought gives their lady,a sense of atmost satisfaction and trust in the love,which the relationship holds.....but wat happens after marriage...the scenario changes, since work and family relations,which were not much of a botheration for us wen v were in love,start to purge in as the most important stuff......these end up in giving us unwanted pleasure or unneeded pressure which makes us forget to hav some time for ourselves......

Men think tat now since everythin is over ie the marriage...his wife s given all the jobs he performed previously since she's his better half.....well frankly puttin a question...s tat y u loved her??? was dis the reason???? Some and not all women look into money as the only criteria for love and life....gals who hav a sense of care and true love towards their husband wil never weigh money as the most important criteria...

Well then wat s it tat she wants??????

Love...with the same frequency which u shared with her,wen u were in love with her....
Women are sensitive to feelings...they get easily angry and frustrated....this happens in most households wen women feel tat their love is not reciprocated in the way they expect it to be.....

By this i dont imply tat they want u to be beside them all the time talking,giggling and hugging...its crap impossible for anyone to do tat......

Women love small things...remembering to thank her wen she does a small job for u...wishing her best friend for her bday.....goin out for small walks in the weekend....trying to get a 5 mins out of ur HECTIC job to ask her how her day went and so on...

So plz guys....dont think tat gals always frown their face for everything...if they do it,its bcauze they expect something in return from u....and its not their mistake in expecting something back from u...since u guyz were their EVERYTHING wen they were in love with u......and u made it sure tat everyday of ur lady,went on well....and the prime reason for her happiness everyday was U....